Made from Two
by Mery McNett
Written for Doody-Bear
There's a life that's made from two
With hands that hold, eyes that meet,
and minds that are beautifully construed.
A gorgeous soul that held out its hands
and lifted a powerless dismal creature
above the dark water and sinking sands.
Sacrificing an expected outcome of life
has composed an alternative existence
with great hope, is worth the strife.
A day will come when you will be born again
and I will nourish and comfort this person
as I stand tall and protect you from pain.
Like our minds,
Our bodies will come from a similar mold
A blissfully warped circumstance
contrasting with the amiss values that others uphold.
Our life has turned different from where we started
and the running and approaching hours and times
ensures that our hands will never be parted.
Our smiles are always genuine, our laughs always true,
we fit together with our likeness and unlikeness
You with your smarts, and my child's point of view.
We have created a connection that others do not possess
with thoughts and hopes and dreams fully expressed.
This gorgeous love, this heart you had to undo
this smile, this laugh.
This life that's made from two.
My Etsy Shop
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Gender assumptions
Its seems that in 99.9% of societies around the world, the roles of gender are precise and divided.
But really, it has developed naturally throughout time.
Also, we associate a person with a specific gender by the way they look and by what we know.
I think some people who have transitioned or are at another point in their transition, like when people do not know about their history, because they can be totally gendered at their desired sex.
What I cannot comprehend though, is when people meet a fully transitioned person, and have no idea that they were, in their other life, the opposite sex. When they "find out" about their situation, they all of the sudden start using the wrong nouns.
Now, the only time I use the wrong nouns is if a person looks to be androgynous.
But if a person is obviously presenting as a certain sex....one should be courteous enough to address them as such.
(I make exceptions of course for people like Kris, whom I know is female, but presents as male bc of not starting the transition process yet. That is, if I know of their situation).
I do not want to act like I am this wonderful person who does everything right, but the women and men I know that have transitioned, and some who have not....I think of them as FEMALE or MALE (the sex they are in their souls). I have never looked at them and saw a male, no matter what I know of their past. I do not gender them as male, just because I knew that they were born with a penis or vagina.
If you are reading this from the group...and I have all of you in mind when I am writing this...I want to let you know that you all are so beautiful, inside and out. I do not define you as transgendered, just as people. I know that NOBODY wants to be labeled.
I have NEVER felt more accepted in a group...
It weird, but I have never felt more out of place than in a group of artists (usually around my same age).
But the Wed. group has been a group of people that I can confide in because of their level of understand of what it feels like to be rejected and shunned by others.
Love all of you!
But really, it has developed naturally throughout time.
Also, we associate a person with a specific gender by the way they look and by what we know.
I think some people who have transitioned or are at another point in their transition, like when people do not know about their history, because they can be totally gendered at their desired sex.
What I cannot comprehend though, is when people meet a fully transitioned person, and have no idea that they were, in their other life, the opposite sex. When they "find out" about their situation, they all of the sudden start using the wrong nouns.
Now, the only time I use the wrong nouns is if a person looks to be androgynous.
But if a person is obviously presenting as a certain sex....one should be courteous enough to address them as such.
(I make exceptions of course for people like Kris, whom I know is female, but presents as male bc of not starting the transition process yet. That is, if I know of their situation).
I do not want to act like I am this wonderful person who does everything right, but the women and men I know that have transitioned, and some who have not....I think of them as FEMALE or MALE (the sex they are in their souls). I have never looked at them and saw a male, no matter what I know of their past. I do not gender them as male, just because I knew that they were born with a penis or vagina.
If you are reading this from the group...and I have all of you in mind when I am writing this...I want to let you know that you all are so beautiful, inside and out. I do not define you as transgendered, just as people. I know that NOBODY wants to be labeled.
I have NEVER felt more accepted in a group...
It weird, but I have never felt more out of place than in a group of artists (usually around my same age).
But the Wed. group has been a group of people that I can confide in because of their level of understand of what it feels like to be rejected and shunned by others.
Love all of you!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Stick in the mud
I'm getting kind of worried about my short-term memory. This weekend, I lost my phone, then I hit my car to where it leaks oil (didn't notice that the place I was pulling out of was so steep), then I forgot my keys for a place when I was going downtown. This is just the last on a very long list of things that have been happening to me lately and its starting to ware me down, as well as Kris. It isn't cute anymore.
Any trust that Kris had that I could handle things was gone down the shitter and any inkling I had that I could have the confidence of an adult is dwendling away...
Right now, I feel down in the dumps, worried about how I can afford to fix my car, blah blah...
Well, I'm done being a stick in the mud for now :)
Any trust that Kris had that I could handle things was gone down the shitter and any inkling I had that I could have the confidence of an adult is dwendling away...
Right now, I feel down in the dumps, worried about how I can afford to fix my car, blah blah...
Well, I'm done being a stick in the mud for now :)
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Summer Cold
Feeling a little shut in right now. I miss having my mom take care of of when I am sick :( But Kris has been doing the best she can, with the hours that she has to work. I've been inside for the past 2 days, ugh. Worse yet, I feel this overwhelming need to be loved on right now....that's what happens when you have a mom that took really good cafre of you when you were sick!
Kris and I were having an actual fight this weekend. One of only about 2 or 3 that we've had in the past 8 years. Luckily, our fights consist of not speaking to each other and being stubborn, so we didn't say anything we'd regret. On her side, she was feeling angry at the lack of control she has over her life. She works 2 jobs, all for me. I have a hard time being an actual human being and getting a job that I don't care for, so she lets me work at Living Arts for odd jobs.
Anyway, at her job at UPS, the management is trying to get rid of the high paid people by making their jobs unbearable. They are also lying and cheating, even having the HR rep under their belts so anyone who complains will be "taken care of" in a sense...basically fired.
I really wish I could do something about that. The UPS Code of Business Conduct is laughable when I hear about what's going on there. Kris tried to get Tuesday off (she has to go in at 2:30am everyday), got it off from one boss, then the other took it away...that was one of the things...
She was so stressed that she sort of took it out on me, being a little short and mean, and just being a downer. That made me upset, so we didn't talk. We stayed in seperate rooms for the entire day.
But we finally decided to end it bc we were the only ones that could make each other happy.
Now, I'm stuck in the house, feeling useless. I wished I had all these friends sending me get well cards and all that...but I am just sensitive. For some reason, I have this need to be liked. I guess it gets to me bc I am nice to everyone. There was this one guy who is a wonderful artist that asked me once about a class we were in together, and used the professor's first name. I only knew this person by her last name, so I kept insisting that i wasn't in that class. Ever since then, he has not spoken to me. No big loss, but it seemed like if you were not in good with him at the art school, you were an outcast. That's not the only reason I felt that way, but Its pretty bad when you feel like an outcast in art school!
Well, anyway, I am trying to work on my self confidence. Its kind of low right now. I am going to be teaching a class this summer and I feel like I need to appear to be confidant. Plus, self-assurance helps to not feel overwhelmed.
Feeling insecure is not a far-fetched concept for people like Kris, so I'm sure she feels for me. Its a feeling that can twist your insides and leave you feeling helpless.
I am sure that when Kris transitions, these insecurities will flare up to a record intensity, but there will also be things that happen during the transition that, of course, will help. Just like me having to face things that scare the shit out of me, like having to teach an entire class while not being incredibly forgetful and making a fool out of myself, loosing the respect of the students. But, I have to face this and not worry about it so much or it will happen. Just like when Kris decides to go out in public dress, I'm sure she is thinking that people will say something negative, which they probably will, but its how you react to the situation that determines how it turns out. If I can't remember words, stutter, and say something "stupid" while I am teaching, if I break down, the situation will be worse. I need to just laugh it off.
Kris and I were having an actual fight this weekend. One of only about 2 or 3 that we've had in the past 8 years. Luckily, our fights consist of not speaking to each other and being stubborn, so we didn't say anything we'd regret. On her side, she was feeling angry at the lack of control she has over her life. She works 2 jobs, all for me. I have a hard time being an actual human being and getting a job that I don't care for, so she lets me work at Living Arts for odd jobs.
Anyway, at her job at UPS, the management is trying to get rid of the high paid people by making their jobs unbearable. They are also lying and cheating, even having the HR rep under their belts so anyone who complains will be "taken care of" in a sense...basically fired.
I really wish I could do something about that. The UPS Code of Business Conduct is laughable when I hear about what's going on there. Kris tried to get Tuesday off (she has to go in at 2:30am everyday), got it off from one boss, then the other took it away...that was one of the things...
She was so stressed that she sort of took it out on me, being a little short and mean, and just being a downer. That made me upset, so we didn't talk. We stayed in seperate rooms for the entire day.
But we finally decided to end it bc we were the only ones that could make each other happy.
Now, I'm stuck in the house, feeling useless. I wished I had all these friends sending me get well cards and all that...but I am just sensitive. For some reason, I have this need to be liked. I guess it gets to me bc I am nice to everyone. There was this one guy who is a wonderful artist that asked me once about a class we were in together, and used the professor's first name. I only knew this person by her last name, so I kept insisting that i wasn't in that class. Ever since then, he has not spoken to me. No big loss, but it seemed like if you were not in good with him at the art school, you were an outcast. That's not the only reason I felt that way, but Its pretty bad when you feel like an outcast in art school!
Well, anyway, I am trying to work on my self confidence. Its kind of low right now. I am going to be teaching a class this summer and I feel like I need to appear to be confidant. Plus, self-assurance helps to not feel overwhelmed.
Feeling insecure is not a far-fetched concept for people like Kris, so I'm sure she feels for me. Its a feeling that can twist your insides and leave you feeling helpless.
I am sure that when Kris transitions, these insecurities will flare up to a record intensity, but there will also be things that happen during the transition that, of course, will help. Just like me having to face things that scare the shit out of me, like having to teach an entire class while not being incredibly forgetful and making a fool out of myself, loosing the respect of the students. But, I have to face this and not worry about it so much or it will happen. Just like when Kris decides to go out in public dress, I'm sure she is thinking that people will say something negative, which they probably will, but its how you react to the situation that determines how it turns out. If I can't remember words, stutter, and say something "stupid" while I am teaching, if I break down, the situation will be worse. I need to just laugh it off.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Maybe I'm Amazed
Okay, here is another attempt at writing my blog instead of posting links.
I am afraid of crossing the line of TMI (too much information) with this one. I am also embarassed to talk about this. But, I see it as information to be discussed.
Kris and I are very loving, we get along very well, laugh together and basically have a great time. But there is one problem. Since we have been married in October of 2010, we've had sex about 3-4 times. Yes, that is total.
Does it have to do with Kris being trans? I think it does. I have tried to accomidate a revised version of sex for Kris (so she feels like a woman, not a man). But, the frequency is still very low.
Don't get me wrong, I don't really crave it. I take Zoloft and one of side effects is decreased sex drive. But I do crave intimacy. I crave being wanted and feeling sexy. I think Kris is so concerned with her hang ups and not being able to have a sex life as a woman, that perhaps she sometimes forgets that there is another person involved.
Kris also does not like to be touched. I can cuddle up to her on the couch sometimes and give her a kiss, but that is at times as much as I get. When I try to hold her hand, she pulls it away. When I try to hug her, she puts to hands and my shoulders and tries to push.
I do not know how I do not feel more rejected than I do.
There is also no sign of Kris craving to be with a man. Believe me, I have looked for the signs, trying to cover my bases so there are no surprises, but she has never commented on a man's looks, I have never caught her eyeing a man, never found any Playgirl magazines stashed under her mattress. If she is attracted to men, she hides it better than a gay American man in the 1950's.
She mentions that she masterbates all the time, and that does make me feel a little rejection. I feel as if she has left it up to me to figure out what she wants and to do what she wants. I try to tell her that I need her to tell me and show me. But anyone who knows her very, very well, know that she if incredibly, INCREDIBLY stubborn! She just acts like I should know. I try, but I guess it is not good enough to involve me in her sex life.
Kris's stubborness, in all aspects of our lives, is something that I need to figure out how to put into words. I have been trying to figure it out for a while, but it is difficult. There are things like, if I decide to have a piece of her chocolate bar (or any of her food), she says that she doesn't want it anymore.
She has this incredible need to be the victor and to be right about everything. Sounds like I really am living with a woman.
I suppose I feel lucky in other areas enough for me to not feel like the is a huge void in my life with Kris.
It still must be something special, because when I listen to our song Maybe I'm Amazed by Paul McCartney, I think of her, with me in the role of Paul, and her in the role of Linda. Paul and Linda are my ultimate all-time favorite couple and I see a little bit of them in Kris and me. The way we are always together, how we are friends and buddies, and how I am amazed by her.
Maybe you're the only woman who can ever help me, baby won't you help me to understand
I am afraid of crossing the line of TMI (too much information) with this one. I am also embarassed to talk about this. But, I see it as information to be discussed.
Kris and I are very loving, we get along very well, laugh together and basically have a great time. But there is one problem. Since we have been married in October of 2010, we've had sex about 3-4 times. Yes, that is total.
Does it have to do with Kris being trans? I think it does. I have tried to accomidate a revised version of sex for Kris (so she feels like a woman, not a man). But, the frequency is still very low.
Don't get me wrong, I don't really crave it. I take Zoloft and one of side effects is decreased sex drive. But I do crave intimacy. I crave being wanted and feeling sexy. I think Kris is so concerned with her hang ups and not being able to have a sex life as a woman, that perhaps she sometimes forgets that there is another person involved.
Kris also does not like to be touched. I can cuddle up to her on the couch sometimes and give her a kiss, but that is at times as much as I get. When I try to hold her hand, she pulls it away. When I try to hug her, she puts to hands and my shoulders and tries to push.
I do not know how I do not feel more rejected than I do.
There is also no sign of Kris craving to be with a man. Believe me, I have looked for the signs, trying to cover my bases so there are no surprises, but she has never commented on a man's looks, I have never caught her eyeing a man, never found any Playgirl magazines stashed under her mattress. If she is attracted to men, she hides it better than a gay American man in the 1950's.
She mentions that she masterbates all the time, and that does make me feel a little rejection. I feel as if she has left it up to me to figure out what she wants and to do what she wants. I try to tell her that I need her to tell me and show me. But anyone who knows her very, very well, know that she if incredibly, INCREDIBLY stubborn! She just acts like I should know. I try, but I guess it is not good enough to involve me in her sex life.
Kris's stubborness, in all aspects of our lives, is something that I need to figure out how to put into words. I have been trying to figure it out for a while, but it is difficult. There are things like, if I decide to have a piece of her chocolate bar (or any of her food), she says that she doesn't want it anymore.
She has this incredible need to be the victor and to be right about everything. Sounds like I really am living with a woman.
I suppose I feel lucky in other areas enough for me to not feel like the is a huge void in my life with Kris.
It still must be something special, because when I listen to our song Maybe I'm Amazed by Paul McCartney, I think of her, with me in the role of Paul, and her in the role of Linda. Paul and Linda are my ultimate all-time favorite couple and I see a little bit of them in Kris and me. The way we are always together, how we are friends and buddies, and how I am amazed by her.
Maybe you're the only woman who can ever help me, baby won't you help me to understand
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Deuteronomy
This is very interesting...Here is the whole of Deuteronomy 22: 5-12 (NIV). Should 5 even be taken seriously when grouped with the others?
(5) A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this.
(6) If you come across a bird's nest beside the road, either in a tree or on the ground, and the mother is sitting on the young or on the eggs, do not take the mother with the young.
(7) You may take the young, but be sure to let the mother go, so that all may go well with you and you may have a long life.
(8) When you build a new house, make a parapet around your roof so that you may not bring the guilt of bloodshed on your house if someone falls from the roof.
(9) Do not plant two kinds of seed in your vineyard; if you do, not only the crops you plant but also the fruit of the vineyard will be defiled.
(10) Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.
(11) Do not wear clothes of wool and linen woven together.
(12) Make tassels on the four corners of the cloak you wear.
So, I better not go to the store and buy chicken and eggs together....plant tomatoes and spinach in a garden which I should not plow with a donkey and an ox...and oh yea...I shouldn't wear pants.
(5) A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this.
(6) If you come across a bird's nest beside the road, either in a tree or on the ground, and the mother is sitting on the young or on the eggs, do not take the mother with the young.
(7) You may take the young, but be sure to let the mother go, so that all may go well with you and you may have a long life.
(8) When you build a new house, make a parapet around your roof so that you may not bring the guilt of bloodshed on your house if someone falls from the roof.
(9) Do not plant two kinds of seed in your vineyard; if you do, not only the crops you plant but also the fruit of the vineyard will be defiled.
(10) Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.
(11) Do not wear clothes of wool and linen woven together.
(12) Make tassels on the four corners of the cloak you wear.
So, I better not go to the store and buy chicken and eggs together....plant tomatoes and spinach in a garden which I should not plow with a donkey and an ox...and oh yea...I shouldn't wear pants.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Transgender People and Marriage: The Importance of Legal Planning
This is from the blog "eTransgender". I found it to be very interesting...the rest of the blog is very interesting as well. http://www.etransgender.com/2011/03/transgender-marriage.html
Developed by Shannon Minter, senior staff attorney for the National Center for Lesbian Rights.
"Transgender people face unique legal issues with regard to marriage. Although marriage is not yet a legal option for gay or lesbian people in any state, it is already an option -- and a reality -- for many who are transgender. This article summarizes the legal issues surrounding marriage for transgender people and suggests some ways that transgender people can protect their marital relationships.
A very real option
Some people are aware that transgender individuals are often able to enter into a heterosexual marriage after undergoing sex-reassignment. What may be less well-known, however, is that a transgender person may also be married to a person of the same sex. That situation arises, for example, when one of the spouses in a heterosexual marriage comes out as transsexual and transitions within the marriage. If the couple chooses to stay together, as many do, the result is a legal marriage in which both spouses are male or female. Alternatively, in states that do not allow a transgender person to change his or her legal sex, some transgender people have been able to marry a person of the same sex. To all outward appearances and to the couple themselves, the marriage is a same-sex union. In the eyes of the law, however, it is a different-sex marriage because technically speaking, the law continues to view the transgender spouse as a legal member of his or her birth sex even after sex-reassignment. In short, marriage is a very real option for a variety of transgender people in a variety of circumstances.
Two contrasting cases
In practice, however, the legal validity of marriages involving a transgender spouse is not yet firmly established in the great majority of states. In 1999, for example, an appellate court in Texas invalidated a seven-year marriage between Christine Littleton, a transgender woman, and her deceased husband. The case arose when Ms. Littleton brought a wrongful death suit seeking damages for her husband's death as a result of alleged medical malpractice. Rather than ruling on the merits of Ms. Littleton's suit, the court held that a person's legal sex is genetically fixed at birth and that Ms. Littleton should be deemed to be legally male, despite her female anatomy and appearance, and despite the fact that she had lived as a woman for most of her adult life. As a result of that decision, Ms. Littleton was denied all of the rights afforded to a legal spouse -- not only the right to bring a wrongful death suit, but the right to intestate inheritance (or inheritance without a will), to obtain her deceased husband's Social Security and retirement benefits, and many others as well.
In contrast, in 1997, a trial court in Orange County, Calif.., affirmed the validity of a marriage involving a transgender man. The case arose when the wife sought to invalidate the marriage in order to deprive her husband of his parental rights vis-a-vis the couple's child, who was born through alternative insemination. The trial court rejected the wife's argument that the transgender husband should be considered legally female and refused to nullify the marriage. The court held that California law recognizes the post-operative sex of a transsexual person for all legal purposes, including marriage. Notably, however, if the court had ruled differently, or if the transgender spouse had not undergone extensive and expensive sex reassignments surgeries prior to the marriage, it is likely that he would have lost any right to maintain a relationship with his child.
Still the need to protect yourself
As these and other similar cases make clear, it is critical that transgender people who are married become aware of their potential legal vulnerability and take steps to protect themselves as much as possible. As an initial matter, transgender people who are married should certainly act accordingly and should not hesitate to exercise their rights as legal spouses, whether that be the right to file married tax returns, the right to apply for spousal benefits or the right to have or adopt children as a married couple. At the same time, however, it is also important to create a safety net in the event that the validity of the marriage is challenged.
Although there are many benefits and protections that arise exclusively through marriage and cannot be duplicated through any other means, there are also some basic protections that can be safeguarded and secured through privately executed documents and agreements. At a minimum, a transgender person who is married should have:
(1) A last will and testament for both spouses;
(2) Financial and medical powers of attorney in which each spouse designates either the other spouse or another trusted person to be his or her legal agent in the event of incapacitation; and
(3) A written personal relationship agreement including a detailed account of each spouse's rights and responsibilities with regard to finances, property, support, children and any other issues that are important to the couple.
The agreement should also include an acknowledgment that the non-transgender partner is aware that his or her spouse is transgender to avoid any later claims of fraud or deception. Ideally, the couple should draft those documents with assistance from an attorney and supplement them with any other legal planning documents that are appropriate for their specific circumstances.
With those basic documents in place, transgender people who are married can at least ensure that the spouses can inherit each other's estates and retain control over their own financial and medical decisions, even if the validity of the marriage is challenged. In many cases, the safety net created by extra legal planning will never have to be used. In others, the presence of that extra protection will shelter the transgender person and his or her spouse from devastating emotional trauma and financial
Developed by Shannon Minter, senior staff attorney for the National Center for Lesbian Rights.
"Transgender people face unique legal issues with regard to marriage. Although marriage is not yet a legal option for gay or lesbian people in any state, it is already an option -- and a reality -- for many who are transgender. This article summarizes the legal issues surrounding marriage for transgender people and suggests some ways that transgender people can protect their marital relationships.
A very real option
Some people are aware that transgender individuals are often able to enter into a heterosexual marriage after undergoing sex-reassignment. What may be less well-known, however, is that a transgender person may also be married to a person of the same sex. That situation arises, for example, when one of the spouses in a heterosexual marriage comes out as transsexual and transitions within the marriage. If the couple chooses to stay together, as many do, the result is a legal marriage in which both spouses are male or female. Alternatively, in states that do not allow a transgender person to change his or her legal sex, some transgender people have been able to marry a person of the same sex. To all outward appearances and to the couple themselves, the marriage is a same-sex union. In the eyes of the law, however, it is a different-sex marriage because technically speaking, the law continues to view the transgender spouse as a legal member of his or her birth sex even after sex-reassignment. In short, marriage is a very real option for a variety of transgender people in a variety of circumstances.
Two contrasting cases
In practice, however, the legal validity of marriages involving a transgender spouse is not yet firmly established in the great majority of states. In 1999, for example, an appellate court in Texas invalidated a seven-year marriage between Christine Littleton, a transgender woman, and her deceased husband. The case arose when Ms. Littleton brought a wrongful death suit seeking damages for her husband's death as a result of alleged medical malpractice. Rather than ruling on the merits of Ms. Littleton's suit, the court held that a person's legal sex is genetically fixed at birth and that Ms. Littleton should be deemed to be legally male, despite her female anatomy and appearance, and despite the fact that she had lived as a woman for most of her adult life. As a result of that decision, Ms. Littleton was denied all of the rights afforded to a legal spouse -- not only the right to bring a wrongful death suit, but the right to intestate inheritance (or inheritance without a will), to obtain her deceased husband's Social Security and retirement benefits, and many others as well.
In contrast, in 1997, a trial court in Orange County, Calif.., affirmed the validity of a marriage involving a transgender man. The case arose when the wife sought to invalidate the marriage in order to deprive her husband of his parental rights vis-a-vis the couple's child, who was born through alternative insemination. The trial court rejected the wife's argument that the transgender husband should be considered legally female and refused to nullify the marriage. The court held that California law recognizes the post-operative sex of a transsexual person for all legal purposes, including marriage. Notably, however, if the court had ruled differently, or if the transgender spouse had not undergone extensive and expensive sex reassignments surgeries prior to the marriage, it is likely that he would have lost any right to maintain a relationship with his child.
Still the need to protect yourself
As these and other similar cases make clear, it is critical that transgender people who are married become aware of their potential legal vulnerability and take steps to protect themselves as much as possible. As an initial matter, transgender people who are married should certainly act accordingly and should not hesitate to exercise their rights as legal spouses, whether that be the right to file married tax returns, the right to apply for spousal benefits or the right to have or adopt children as a married couple. At the same time, however, it is also important to create a safety net in the event that the validity of the marriage is challenged.
Although there are many benefits and protections that arise exclusively through marriage and cannot be duplicated through any other means, there are also some basic protections that can be safeguarded and secured through privately executed documents and agreements. At a minimum, a transgender person who is married should have:
(1) A last will and testament for both spouses;
(2) Financial and medical powers of attorney in which each spouse designates either the other spouse or another trusted person to be his or her legal agent in the event of incapacitation; and
(3) A written personal relationship agreement including a detailed account of each spouse's rights and responsibilities with regard to finances, property, support, children and any other issues that are important to the couple.
The agreement should also include an acknowledgment that the non-transgender partner is aware that his or her spouse is transgender to avoid any later claims of fraud or deception. Ideally, the couple should draft those documents with assistance from an attorney and supplement them with any other legal planning documents that are appropriate for their specific circumstances.
With those basic documents in place, transgender people who are married can at least ensure that the spouses can inherit each other's estates and retain control over their own financial and medical decisions, even if the validity of the marriage is challenged. In many cases, the safety net created by extra legal planning will never have to be used. In others, the presence of that extra protection will shelter the transgender person and his or her spouse from devastating emotional trauma and financial
My experience and observations on being married to a transgendered person, Part I
I noticed that I put more links on this blog than I do talking about my own experience. I am going to try to do more writing.
I love Kris with all my heart. We are best friends. We laugh and cry together and enjoy each other's company very much. We have been together for 8 years and we still try to be together as much as possible.
When I make a list of the cons and pros of being with Kris, the pros definitely outweigh the cons (as of now, Kris has not begun to transition). But, even if the cons start to catch up and every out number the pros, I will always love and be dedicated to Kris.
Some of the pros are that I really don't get jealous when Kris notices a woman. It would be unfounded if I were to get upset about it, because she is not lusting sexually after the woman's body. Instead of saying , "I'd do her", she always says, "I'd be her". I know that she is only lusting after the thought of having a body like the woman.
Kris has a few female friends that she talks to often, and I do not give it a second thought. Kris is only intermingling with people of her same gender (remember, gender is mental, not physical).
I always joke that if Kris is only putting on a front so that she can cheat on me, it is one of the greatest hoaxes of human history.
Another 'pro' on my list is that Kris is interested in makeup, girl clothing, and basically, all things girly. I consider myself to be a bit of a tomboy, but not so much that I do not enjoy clothes and makeup shopping. We share clothes (even though she does not go out of the house fully dressed) and makeup.
I can talk about fashion and girly things with her spacing out like a guy would. Also, I can also put as much pink in the house as I want!
Also, Kris does not have a craving to watch football and hang out with "the guys" and be all macho. She would rather spend her time with me. Almost every moment that we are both off of work, we spend together, which is nice because as I mentioned before, I enjoy her company.
In a weird way, Kris's situation has also made up very close. We bother have certain things "wrong" (not wrong, but for lack of a better word at the moment) with us, me having a slight case of Asperger's syndrome and ADD. There are some studies about some links between Asperger's and Trans people, but all I can speak of is the experiences we share.
I seem to identify with some of the situations and thoughts of trans people. Like embarrassment and misunderstanding of our situation, feeling isolated, unliked, and misunderstood by society. Kris had to hide her situation, I tried to hide to fact that i lived in my own world. I was embarrassed by the fact that I had this pretend world that for a while, I spent most of my time in. I still have a pretend world that I escape to, as do we all.
The cons are obvious and will only grow when Kris starts to transition.
One 'con' is that she becomes depressed at times and it effects my mood. I have a problem with depression but it has been much better for the past 2 years. But I seem to feel what Kris feels. If Kris is depressed, I am as well. Also, when she gets that way, she tends to take it out on me. Not in an abusive way, but in a way that it effects our day, like being unnecessarily stubborn and getting easily annoyed by things. That's one thing I cannot stand: Kris, especially when she is depressed or tired, throws any kind of patience she has out the window and becomes overly annoyed by things.
I think that I have a sensitivity to that, because as a child, when my parents acted that way, it meant i was in trouble (my childhood is a different story. Parents with the best of intentions, but with skewed views).
Sometimes I cannot wait to see how Kris will be when she is a woman. I believe that she will be in a better mood more often. I don't think with will completely change, I am not kidding myself about that, but I am looking forward to seeing her happy. Kris is actually more happy than I would expect her to be in her situation though.
Another con is fear; fear of many things. Will the hormones completely change who she is attracted to? Will she like men or women? Will she be safe when she is transitioning (and after)? Will she be harmed? I am not so concerned for myself, just her.
What kind of verbal abuse are we going to have to endure? Can I let it roll off my shoulders? Right now, I cannot. I need to work on that. I get upset when someone is intolerant of others, very upset.
Will she get used to that fact that she will be a tall woman and for that reason, may not easily pass? That is the main reason Kris was not transitioned yet:she is about 6'8". She feels as if she will be a "beast". I try to let her know that its all or nothing. Transition and he a tall woman, or don't and be miserable as a man.
I am concerned about when friends and family I will loose as well. I know that I will loose some and gain some, but it is something that is in the back of my mind. There's always that saying, "if they don't support you, you don't need them anyway", but when it comes to family, of course it still hurts. But it will ALWAYS be Kris over them.
Well, I'm going to end this now and continue later. But I want to end this post on a positive note.
Think about why you love the people you do. I bet that much more often than not, it is because of who they are on the inside, not outside. Real, caring, and true love between friends, family, and spouses is NOT conditional. If you blame a person for choosing something like transitioning over you, think about how much YOU mean to them...transitioning must be extremely important. If you love a person that is transitioning but you have pushed them away, think about if they didn't transition. More often than not, that person would probably not be on this earth for very long, or they will not be full and happy. Embrace the ones you love and support them, even if you do not understand.
I love you Kris.
I love Kris with all my heart. We are best friends. We laugh and cry together and enjoy each other's company very much. We have been together for 8 years and we still try to be together as much as possible.
When I make a list of the cons and pros of being with Kris, the pros definitely outweigh the cons (as of now, Kris has not begun to transition). But, even if the cons start to catch up and every out number the pros, I will always love and be dedicated to Kris.
Some of the pros are that I really don't get jealous when Kris notices a woman. It would be unfounded if I were to get upset about it, because she is not lusting sexually after the woman's body. Instead of saying , "I'd do her", she always says, "I'd be her". I know that she is only lusting after the thought of having a body like the woman.
Kris has a few female friends that she talks to often, and I do not give it a second thought. Kris is only intermingling with people of her same gender (remember, gender is mental, not physical).
I always joke that if Kris is only putting on a front so that she can cheat on me, it is one of the greatest hoaxes of human history.
Another 'pro' on my list is that Kris is interested in makeup, girl clothing, and basically, all things girly. I consider myself to be a bit of a tomboy, but not so much that I do not enjoy clothes and makeup shopping. We share clothes (even though she does not go out of the house fully dressed) and makeup.
I can talk about fashion and girly things with her spacing out like a guy would. Also, I can also put as much pink in the house as I want!
Also, Kris does not have a craving to watch football and hang out with "the guys" and be all macho. She would rather spend her time with me. Almost every moment that we are both off of work, we spend together, which is nice because as I mentioned before, I enjoy her company.
In a weird way, Kris's situation has also made up very close. We bother have certain things "wrong" (not wrong, but for lack of a better word at the moment) with us, me having a slight case of Asperger's syndrome and ADD. There are some studies about some links between Asperger's and Trans people, but all I can speak of is the experiences we share.
I seem to identify with some of the situations and thoughts of trans people. Like embarrassment and misunderstanding of our situation, feeling isolated, unliked, and misunderstood by society. Kris had to hide her situation, I tried to hide to fact that i lived in my own world. I was embarrassed by the fact that I had this pretend world that for a while, I spent most of my time in. I still have a pretend world that I escape to, as do we all.
The cons are obvious and will only grow when Kris starts to transition.
One 'con' is that she becomes depressed at times and it effects my mood. I have a problem with depression but it has been much better for the past 2 years. But I seem to feel what Kris feels. If Kris is depressed, I am as well. Also, when she gets that way, she tends to take it out on me. Not in an abusive way, but in a way that it effects our day, like being unnecessarily stubborn and getting easily annoyed by things. That's one thing I cannot stand: Kris, especially when she is depressed or tired, throws any kind of patience she has out the window and becomes overly annoyed by things.
I think that I have a sensitivity to that, because as a child, when my parents acted that way, it meant i was in trouble (my childhood is a different story. Parents with the best of intentions, but with skewed views).
Sometimes I cannot wait to see how Kris will be when she is a woman. I believe that she will be in a better mood more often. I don't think with will completely change, I am not kidding myself about that, but I am looking forward to seeing her happy. Kris is actually more happy than I would expect her to be in her situation though.
Another con is fear; fear of many things. Will the hormones completely change who she is attracted to? Will she like men or women? Will she be safe when she is transitioning (and after)? Will she be harmed? I am not so concerned for myself, just her.
What kind of verbal abuse are we going to have to endure? Can I let it roll off my shoulders? Right now, I cannot. I need to work on that. I get upset when someone is intolerant of others, very upset.
Will she get used to that fact that she will be a tall woman and for that reason, may not easily pass? That is the main reason Kris was not transitioned yet:she is about 6'8". She feels as if she will be a "beast". I try to let her know that its all or nothing. Transition and he a tall woman, or don't and be miserable as a man.
I am concerned about when friends and family I will loose as well. I know that I will loose some and gain some, but it is something that is in the back of my mind. There's always that saying, "if they don't support you, you don't need them anyway", but when it comes to family, of course it still hurts. But it will ALWAYS be Kris over them.
Well, I'm going to end this now and continue later. But I want to end this post on a positive note.
Think about why you love the people you do. I bet that much more often than not, it is because of who they are on the inside, not outside. Real, caring, and true love between friends, family, and spouses is NOT conditional. If you blame a person for choosing something like transitioning over you, think about how much YOU mean to them...transitioning must be extremely important. If you love a person that is transitioning but you have pushed them away, think about if they didn't transition. More often than not, that person would probably not be on this earth for very long, or they will not be full and happy. Embrace the ones you love and support them, even if you do not understand.
I love you Kris.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Tulsa PRIDE 2011!
TULSA Pride is coming up soon! Wished I could have volunteered, but I an reopening my art show at the sametime...oh well, at least I will be there :)
I am so excited to get to be downtown and celebrate equality as well as promote it with everyone. Hope to see everyone there!:)
http://www.okeq.org/calendar-events/tulsa-pride-2011/
I am so excited to get to be downtown and celebrate equality as well as promote it with everyone. Hope to see everyone there!:)
http://www.okeq.org/calendar-events/tulsa-pride-2011/
Not Your Mom’s Trans 101
credit: http://tranarchism.com/2010/11/26/not-your-moms-trans-101/
Not Your Mom’s Trans 101
There is a huge problem with the way that people are taught about gender in this society. Children are indoctrinated early to believe that there are two sexes, corresponding with two genders, which are both immutable and non-voluntary and completely beyond our control. This worldview is called the gender binary, and it has no room in it for us.Trying to teach a new perspective to the victims of this extremely aggressive brainwashing can be daunting. In fact, the task can seem downright impossible. The temptation, therefore, is to “dumb things down” for the benefit of a cisgender audience. This situation has given rise to a set of oversimplifications collectively known as “Trans 101.” These rather absurd tropes, such as “blank trapped in a blank’s body” cause confusion among even well-meaning cis folks, feed internalized transphobia among us trans people, and provide endless straw-man fodder for transphobic ‘radical feminists,’ entitled cisgender academics, and other bigots.
Near the beginning of my transition, I myself taught “Trans 101” this way. Because I didn’t know any better. Because I had been taught to think of myself in terms of these same useless tropes, as an “FTM,” as a “female man,” as somebody who was “changing sexes.” Eventually, through a lot of intense discussions and a lot of tough love from people who were more knowledgeable, more radical, and more politically sophisticated than myself, I came to see things very differently.
I haven’t tried to teach Trans 101 since extracting my head from my rectum. But I think the time has come for me to tackle the problem of explaining and defining what it means to be transgender without resorting to cissexist language. It strikes me as I contemplate this task that Trans 101 is generally not only dumbed-down, but also declawed. There are truths that I must speak here that are incredibly threatening to a cissupremacist worldview, that attack its very foundations. But I for one am willing to do that. I am not here to make cis people comfortable or to reassure them that they are still the center of the gendered universe. In fact, I am totally fine with doing the opposite.
Without further ado, let’s begin.
GENDER ASSIGNED AT BIRTH
Let’s start at the beginning. A baby is born. The doctor says “It’s a boy” or “It’s a girl” based on the appearance of the child’s genitals. If the genitalia cannot be easily categorized according to binary standards– that is, if the child is intersex– the doctor makes a decision. Surgery is then generally performed on the unconsenting infant to render its body more socially acceptable.
Whether the baby is intersex or not, the child is then raised as whatever arbitrary gender the doctor saw fit to assign.
“Cisgender” is the term for people who have no issue with the gender that they were assigned at birth. For whatever reason, they are able to live somewhat comfortably within the gender in which they have been cast. No one really knows why so many people are capable of fitting into such arbitrary categories.
Transgender people cannot accept our assigned genders. We know ourselves to be something different than what we were told to be. We do not see the random gender scripts we were given by society as relevant to us. We know that there is a different way, a way of autonomy, self-creation, and self-definition, and that this is the way we must follow, because we can never be happy with the parameters that have been mandated for our behavior and our bodies.
THE BINARY
All cis people and many trans people are binary-identified. Given the options of “man” or “woman,” we who are binary-identified are able to be comfortable with one, even if it is the opposite of what we were assigned. For example, I am a man who was assigned to live as a woman, therefore I am a trans man. My father is a man who was assigned to live as a man, therefore he is a cis man. Both of us are binary identified, both men, even though he is cis and I am trans.
It is a mystery why so many people are comfortable being categorized in just one of two ways. Just as nobody knows why there are so many cis people, nobody knows why there are so many binary identified folks.
But there are many trans people who are neither male nor female. They cannot be categorized as “either/or.” These people may use terms for themselves like genderqueer, two-spirit, androgynous, agender, or neutrois. They often use gender-neutral pronouns such as “ze/hir/hirs” or “they/them/their/theirs.” They can be both male and female, or none of the above, multi-gender, genderless, or something else completely.
In typical trans 101 discussions, right now I would probably be explaining to you that “gender is a spectrum” and drawing a cute little line graph labeled “m” at one end and “f” at the other. But this would be fallacious, as well as total bullshit. Gender is not a line, it is a huge three-dimensional space too big to be bounded by the concepts of “male” and “female.” Being trans is not always about falling “in between” binary genders, and as often as not, it’s about being something too expansive for those ideas to have meaning at all.
SELF IDENTIFICATION
The language of self-identification is often used to describe trans people. “George identifies as a man.” “I respect Judy’s identification as a woman.” “Chris just told me that ze identifies as ‘genderqueer.’ Oh dear, that pronoun is going to take some getting used to.” An organization I know, in an effort to be trans friendly, as posted little signs on their bathroom doors, underneath the “MENS” and “WOMENS” signs that we know so well, saying “Self-identified men welcome” and “Self-identified women welcome” and “please be respectful of diversity.”
This co-opting of the language of self-identification is not only condescending, it completely missed the point.
Cis people seem to think that self-identification is only for trans folks. They don’t have to “identify” as men and women– they just ARE! Their gender isn’t “self-identified,” it’s “self-evident!”
What they fail to understand is that self identification is the only meaningful way to determine gender. Any other method is wholly dependent upon what that doctor said way back when we were still red, wrinkly, writhing, screaming newborn messes, completely unformed as individuals and without any identity at all to speak of, too bloody and scrunchy-faced to even be called cute. The fact is that cis people self-identify too– they just happen to agree with what the doctor said all those years ago. Anybody who answers the question of “are you a man?” or “are you a woman?” with “yes” has just self-identified.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “but what about bodies? What about genitals? What about chromosomes? What about hormones? What about SEX? Doesn’t that have any bearing on gender?”
Be patient, my darlings. I’ll get to that in just a moment.
BODIES
Almost every Trans 101 will contain the truism “Sex is between your legs, gender is between your ears.”
Gag.
Or they may say “Sex is physical, gender is socially constructed.”
This simply isn’t true.
Sex is no more an immutable binary than is gender. There are intersex people who are born with non-binary genitalia, as I have already mentioned. There are people with hormonal anomalies. In fact, hormone levels vary wildly within the categories of cis male and cis female. Chromosomes, too, vary. If you thought “XX” and “XY” were the only two possible combinations, you have some serious googling to do. In addition to variations like XXY, XXYY, or X, sometimes cis people find out that they are genetically the “opposite” of what they though they were– that is, a ‘typical’ cis man can be XX, a ‘normal’ cis woman can be XY.
The fact is that the concept of binary sex is based on the fallacious idea that multiple sex characteristics are immutable and must always go together, when in fact many of them can be changed, many erased, and many appear independently in different combinations. “Female” in sex binary terms means having breasts, having a vagina, having a womb, not having a lot of body hair, having a high-pitched voice, having lots of estrogen, having a period, having XX chromosomes. “Male” means having a penis, not having breasts, producing sperm, having body hair, having a deep voice, having lots of testosterone, having XY chromosomes. Yet it is possible to isolate, alter, and remove many of these traits. Many of these traits do not always appear together, and before puberty and after menopause, many of them do not apply.
And what about women who get hysterectomies? Or who have had mastectomies for reasons related to breast cancer? Are they not women?
What about a soldier whose dick gets blown off by a mine? Is he not a man?
The fallacies of binding identity to bodies, which are fragile, changeable things, subject to injury, mutilation, maiming, decay and ultimate destruction, should by now be clear.
Sex is as much a social construct as gender, as much subject to self identification, and besides all that, quite easy to modify. Surgical and hormonal techniques are only becoming more sophisticated. If there ever was a need to consider biology destiny, that time is surely past.
The entire concept of “sex” is simply a way of attaching something social– gender– to bodies. This being the case, I believe the most sensible way to look at the question of sex now is this: a male body is a body belonging to a male– that is, someone who identifies as male. A female body is a body belonging to a female– that is, someone who identifies as female. Genderqueer bodies belong to folks who are genderqueer, androgynous bodies belong to androgynes, and so forth, and so on.
This is why I question the value of phrases like “man in a woman’s body” or “male to female.” Who is to say we ever were the “opposite sex?” Personally I will never again describe myself as “born female.” I was born a trans male and my years of confusion were due to being forcefully and repeatedly told that I was something else. This body is not a woman’s. It is mine. Neither am I trapped in it.
None of what I say here is to minimize the necessity of surgery. Many trans people do experience body dysphoria. Many of us do seek hormones, surgery, and other body modifications. But the point is that, while such modifications may be necessary for our peace of mind, they are not necessary to make us “real men” or “real women” or “real” whatevers. We’re plenty real right now, thank you.
OPPRESSION
This brings us, I think, the most important topic of all, and the topic which is most commonly left out of any Trans 101: transphobia and cissexism and how to avoid them.
“Cissexism” can be defined as the system of oppression which considers cis people superior to trans people. Cissexism is believing that it is “natural” to be cis, that being trans is aberrant. Cissexism is holding the genders of trans people to more intense scrutiny than the genders of cis people. Cissexism is defining beauty and attractiveness based on how cis people look. Cissexism is prioritizing cis people’s comfort over trans people’s ability to survive. Cissexism is believing that cis people have more right to have jobs, go to school, date and have sex, make decisions about their bodies, wear the clothes they want, or use public restrooms than trans people do.
Transphobia is irrational fear and hatred of trans people. Transphobia is Silence Of The Lambs. Transphobia is referring to transgender surgery as self-mutilation. Transphobia is believing that trans people habitually “trick” or “fool” others into having sex with us. Transphobia is believing that we are out to rob you of your hetero-or-homosexuality. Transphobia is trans people being stared at, insulted, harassed, attacked, beaten, raped, and murdered for simply existing.
If you want to be a good ally, you need to start taking cissexism and transphobia seriously right now. That means getting our goddamn pronouns right and not expecting a cookie for it. That means learning our names. That means not asking invasive questions or telling us how well we “pass.” (Passing generally means “looking cis.” Not all of us want to look like you, thank you very much.) That means deleting the words “tranny” and “shemale” from your vocabulary. That means understanding the immense privilege you have in your legally recognized, socially approved, medically assigned gender.
That means realizing that this is just the beginning. and that you have a lot to learn. That means realizing that it would be intrusive and importunate to ask the nearest trans person to explain it all to you, as if they didn’t have better things to do. That means hitting the internet and doing all that you can to educate yourself. And once you’ve done all that, maybe you can call yourself an ally, that is, if you’re still genuinely willing to join us in the hard work of making the world a less shitty place to be trans.
This will be a work in progress. I expect to receive a lot of commentary on this piece. I expect that it will be edited and possibly revised almost beyond recognition. I am OK with that. As always, there is more work to do. Trans 101 is a huge deal. Revising the way that it is discussed and taught is not a task for just one person. It’s something the entire community must take on.
This is only a first step. But I still hope we learned something today.
Connecticut Legislature adds Transgender Protections to State’s Anti-Discrimination Laws
http://www.hrcbackstory.org/2011/06/connecticut-legislature-adds-transgender-protections-to-state%E2%80%99s-anti-discrimination-laws/
This post comes from Meghan Stabler, HRC Board of Directors.
Earlier this morning, at 12:26am, the Connecticut State Senate passed HB 6599: An Act Concerning Discrimination by a vote of 20-16. This was largely a party line vote, with two Democratic Senators voting against it. The bill was already passed by the State House 77-62. The bill now goes to the desk of Gov. Dan Malloy (D), who has said he will sign the landmark legislation.
Governor Malloy called it a “step forward in the fight for equal rights for all of Connecticut’s citizens and it’s the right thing to do.”
This crucial advancement in transgender rights follows on the footsteps of Hawaii and Nevada, where supportive legislatures, as well as Democratic and Republican Governors, recognized that a person should be judged on their merits and not on who they are. Upon signing, Connecticut will be the 15th U.S. state, along with the District of Columbia, to provide protections based on gender identity or expression. For maps of nondiscrimination laws in the states, please visit: www.HRC.org/State_Laws.
This March, I had been invited to provide testimony to the Judiciary Committee along with many members of the local community, faith and women’s organizations. The coordination of this was executed extremely well by members of ctEquality, who we thank and congratulate for their tremendous efforts.
The legislation adds the words “gender identity or expression” to other groups that may not be discriminated against in jobs, housing, public accommodations and credit. The law now includes, among other classes, race, age, sex, marital status and mental or physical disability.
The bill defines gender identity or expression as “a person’s gender-related identity, appearance or behavior, whether or not that gender-related identity, appearance or behavior is different from that traditionally associated with the person’s physiology or assigned sex at birth.”
The person must be able to provide evidence of his or her gender identity, such as medical history, “consistent and uniform assertion, or any other evidence that the gender-related identity is sincerely held, part of a person’s core identity or not being asserted for an improper purpose,” according to the law.
This post comes from Meghan Stabler, HRC Board of Directors.
Earlier this morning, at 12:26am, the Connecticut State Senate passed HB 6599: An Act Concerning Discrimination by a vote of 20-16. This was largely a party line vote, with two Democratic Senators voting against it. The bill was already passed by the State House 77-62. The bill now goes to the desk of Gov. Dan Malloy (D), who has said he will sign the landmark legislation.
Governor Malloy called it a “step forward in the fight for equal rights for all of Connecticut’s citizens and it’s the right thing to do.”
This crucial advancement in transgender rights follows on the footsteps of Hawaii and Nevada, where supportive legislatures, as well as Democratic and Republican Governors, recognized that a person should be judged on their merits and not on who they are. Upon signing, Connecticut will be the 15th U.S. state, along with the District of Columbia, to provide protections based on gender identity or expression. For maps of nondiscrimination laws in the states, please visit: www.HRC.org/State_Laws.
This March, I had been invited to provide testimony to the Judiciary Committee along with many members of the local community, faith and women’s organizations. The coordination of this was executed extremely well by members of ctEquality, who we thank and congratulate for their tremendous efforts.
The legislation adds the words “gender identity or expression” to other groups that may not be discriminated against in jobs, housing, public accommodations and credit. The law now includes, among other classes, race, age, sex, marital status and mental or physical disability.
The bill defines gender identity or expression as “a person’s gender-related identity, appearance or behavior, whether or not that gender-related identity, appearance or behavior is different from that traditionally associated with the person’s physiology or assigned sex at birth.”
The person must be able to provide evidence of his or her gender identity, such as medical history, “consistent and uniform assertion, or any other evidence that the gender-related identity is sincerely held, part of a person’s core identity or not being asserted for an improper purpose,” according to the law.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
stop trans hate
As a spouse of a trans person and an advocate, I feel very protective of people who are trans. In my little world (AND in actually reality), there is absolutely NOTHING "wrong", "sick", or whatever about this subject. Just as much as people do not understand this subject, I am bewildered at their unwillingness to even try to understand it.
Kris asked me the other night, "how do you feel about two trans people sitting there talking about our transition?", refering to a conversation he had earlier. I replied, "its normal to me". In other words, I had absolutely no negative feelings towards the conversation, no discomfort, and no misunderstanding.
I am not bragging, saying like "oh look at me and how accepting I am!". I am merely trying to explore my view and convey it. Trying to understand why this is not an issue to me, and why it is to others. Of course I know the logical answers, but those do not completely explain everything.
stop.transsexualhate.blogspot.com
Kris asked me the other night, "how do you feel about two trans people sitting there talking about our transition?", refering to a conversation he had earlier. I replied, "its normal to me". In other words, I had absolutely no negative feelings towards the conversation, no discomfort, and no misunderstanding.
I am not bragging, saying like "oh look at me and how accepting I am!". I am merely trying to explore my view and convey it. Trying to understand why this is not an issue to me, and why it is to others. Of course I know the logical answers, but those do not completely explain everything.
stop.transsexualhate.blogspot.com
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Thursday, May 12, 2011
Transgender job discrimination bill clears Nevada Senate, similar bills live on
"CARSON CITY, Nev. — The Nevada Senate narrowly approved a bill Wednesday expanding employment anti-discrimination protections to include gender identity and expression, after the same bill passed the full Assembly with a wide margin.
Sen. Sheila Leslie, D-Reno, says Nevada joins 13 other states to include transgender discrimination in employment protections. State law already bars discrimination based on race, religion, sexual orientation and other attributes.
"Nevada has a proud history of protecting the personal liberty of its citizens," said Sen. David Parks, D-Las Vegas. "It's time to extend that liberty and protection to those individuals."
Sen. Ben Kieckhefer of Reno was the sole Republican to support the bill in the 11-10 vote, saying he didn't like telling businesses what to do, but "discrimination offends my sense of right and wrong."
Because of a Senate amendment, the bill now goes back to the Assembly for final approval before heading to Gov. Brian Sandoval, who has not indicated whether he will sign the measure.
The Senate vote came the same day that members of the Assembly considered two other bills on transgender issues. SB331 prohibits discrimination against a transgender person in any place of "public accommodation," such as a store, bar or restaurant. It passed the Senate last month 11-10.
The bill still allows businesses to stage gender-based promotions and sales, such as Ladies Night.
Lauren Scott of advocacy group Equality Nevada said the bill's intent is that people could take advantage of "ladies drink free"-type promotions if they legally changed their gender, but not if they simply dressed the part to get a deal.
Assembly members also heard SB368, which prohibits discrimination against transgender people in housing transactions such as renting or selling a home. That bill already cleared the Senate by a 13-8 margin.
Votes on the measures are scheduled for next week.
Three of four bills dealing with transgender discrimination are still alive in the Nevada Legislature. The fourth, which would have added transgender people to a list of protected classes in hate crime law, narrowly failed in the Senate.
Lawmakers say hearings on the issues are far less contentious than they were last session.
"Bills like this are not only necessary, but have tremendous symbolic importance," said Nevada ACLU Executive Director Dane Claussen, "because it reflects where we are today as we move toward a more perfect union." "
http://www.therepublic.com/view/story/35dd30d78369463fb03a9a3e1986ac5d/NV--Transgender-Discrimination/
Sen. Sheila Leslie, D-Reno, says Nevada joins 13 other states to include transgender discrimination in employment protections. State law already bars discrimination based on race, religion, sexual orientation and other attributes.
"Nevada has a proud history of protecting the personal liberty of its citizens," said Sen. David Parks, D-Las Vegas. "It's time to extend that liberty and protection to those individuals."
Sen. Ben Kieckhefer of Reno was the sole Republican to support the bill in the 11-10 vote, saying he didn't like telling businesses what to do, but "discrimination offends my sense of right and wrong."
Because of a Senate amendment, the bill now goes back to the Assembly for final approval before heading to Gov. Brian Sandoval, who has not indicated whether he will sign the measure.
The Senate vote came the same day that members of the Assembly considered two other bills on transgender issues. SB331 prohibits discrimination against a transgender person in any place of "public accommodation," such as a store, bar or restaurant. It passed the Senate last month 11-10.
The bill still allows businesses to stage gender-based promotions and sales, such as Ladies Night.
Lauren Scott of advocacy group Equality Nevada said the bill's intent is that people could take advantage of "ladies drink free"-type promotions if they legally changed their gender, but not if they simply dressed the part to get a deal.
Assembly members also heard SB368, which prohibits discrimination against transgender people in housing transactions such as renting or selling a home. That bill already cleared the Senate by a 13-8 margin.
Votes on the measures are scheduled for next week.
Three of four bills dealing with transgender discrimination are still alive in the Nevada Legislature. The fourth, which would have added transgender people to a list of protected classes in hate crime law, narrowly failed in the Senate.
Lawmakers say hearings on the issues are far less contentious than they were last session.
"Bills like this are not only necessary, but have tremendous symbolic importance," said Nevada ACLU Executive Director Dane Claussen, "because it reflects where we are today as we move toward a more perfect union." "
http://www.therepublic.com/view/story/35dd30d78369463fb03a9a3e1986ac5d/NV--Transgender-Discrimination/
Monday, May 9, 2011
Chaz Bono on Oprah
Don't for get, Chaz Bono will be on Oprah today. In Tulsa, it will be on channel 6 at 4 then the CW at 10:30 I believe.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Legislation and Legal Judgements Impacting Trans People
This Act decriminalised homosexuality – though actually resulted in an increase in convictions for homosexuality. This was because it allowed sex between consenting adult men over the age of 21 only provided nobody else was in the same building – therefore two men taking a room in a hotel were often reported, and subsequently raided and arrested. Since transsexual women were treated as male until after surgery – even if they were living and presenting as female -- many were arrested under this law, as homosexual men.
Corbett v Corbett 1970
In 1970, April Ashley’s divorce made matters worse. Until then, post-surgery trans women had been able to change their birth certificates unofficially, to reflect their acquired gender. However, in the court case annulling her marriage to Arthur Corbett (Corbett v Corbett ), Justice Ormrod determined that trans people could not ever change sex, and therefore even after full gender reassignment, trans people remained legally in their birth gender. This made them unable to marry, and inhumanely treated in all legal matters, including imprisonment.
P v S & Cornwall CC (1994) ECJ, Case C13/94
This judgement in the European Court of Justice prohibited workplace and vocational training discrimination against trans people who are 'intending to undergo, are undergoing or have undergone gender reassignment’ - Includes voluntary work. This judgement meant that all UK courts had to comply with the ruling and resulted in legislation to include trans people in the Sex Discrimination Act and largely to restrict the effect of the European judgement.
Sex Discrimination (Gender Reassignment) Regulations 1999
In respect of employment and training, the provisions of the Sex Discrimination Act were extended to include trans people, provided they were intending to undergo, undergoing or had undergone gender reassignment. The act brought in a number of exemptions such as personal searches, personal services, and religious organisations. Some of those exemptions have now been overruled, though others still exist – especially for religious organisations, who are still able to discriminate.
Goodwin v. UK and I v UK (2002)
The European Court of Human Rights held that the UK government’s failure to alter the birth certificates of transsexual people or to allow them to marry in their new gender role was a breach of the European Convention on Human Rights. This led directly to new legislation to once again clarify and restrict the extent of the judgement.
Gender Recognition Act 2004
Following extensive consultation and considerable objection from religious organisations, the Gender Recognition Act provided full legal recognition of a transperson’s new gender for ALL purposes, including marriage, new birth certificate, pension rights, social security benefits and privacy. In order to qualify for legal recognition, a trans person has to show that they have been diagnosed as having gender dysphoria, and that they have lived in their acquired gender role for 2 years, and that they intend to do so permanently, for the remainder of their life.
Gender Recognition (Disclosure of Information) Order 2005
Despite parliament refusing to grant exemption from the Gender Recognition Act to religious organisations, shortly after the act was passed, this statutory instrument was introduced quietly. It essentially exempted churches from all penalties, therefore enabling them to refuse a trans person any involvement in religious activities.
Civil Partnership Act 2004
This is an important piece of legislation for trans people because many trans women are already married to women, and would like to remain married. However, in order to be recognised in their acquired gender, all trans people must first divorce their partner, and then enter into a civil partnership once their gender is legally recognised. It is possible to do all this in one day, but it does create some legal issues. There are at least 150 trans women who face this difficulty, most of whom do not wish to get divorced. Most trans men, if in a relationship when they transition, tend to be in relationships with women – but if the couple have entered into a civil partnership, it will have to be dissolved before a Gender Recognition Certificate can be granted. The UK government is totally opposed to same sex marriage and civil partnerships are not permitted for opposite sex partners.
Equality Act 2006
The Equality Act 2006 is important in four particular ways.
Firstly, it set up the creation of the Equality and Human Rights Commission. Prior to this Act there were three separate commissions dealing with Race, Disability and Gender. The commission dealing with Gender was the Equal Opportunities Commission. All three have now been merged to become the EHRC and four additional diversity strands or protected grounds have been added – Sexual Orientation, Age, Religion and Faith and Gender Reassignment (although this is often considered part of the Gender strand)
Secondly, the Equalities Act introduced the Gender Equality Duty – which followed the format of the Race Equality and Disability Equality duties in requiring public sector organisations to take positive action to prevent discrimination.
Thirdly, it set out the framework for new legislation to prevent discrimination against lesbian and gay people in the delivery of goods and services.
Finally, the EHRC is also responsible for drafting the new Single Equalities Bill due to be presented to parliament later this year which will include a new Single equality Duty. This duty will extend the duties to the other strands – and remove anomalies that have developed in the treatment of discrimination in the different strands -- moving us towards a unified approach to discrimination, no matter what the cause. This will make it easier to deal with discrimination issues where there are multiple issues. E.g., if a 60 year old black disabled trans women is discriminated against, under current legislation, different rules would apply depending on the nature of the discrimination.
Gender Equality Duty – April 2007
The Gender Equality Duty is crucially important for Trans people because it totally changes the way discrimination is treated within the Public sector. The Gender Equality Duty requires Public sector organisations to take promote equal opportunities and take action to prevent discrimination and harassment on the ground of gender, including gender reassignment. The Duty came into force in April 2007, but many public sector organisations are still not effectively enforcing it. Each public sector organisation is required to undertake consultation to establish the primary issues in their area of responsibility and also to prepare and publish a Gender Equality Scheme detailing how they intend to prevent discrimination and harassment, and promote equality of opportunity.
The Equality Act (Sexual Orientation) Regulations 2007
This made it illegal to discriminate against gay and lesbian people in the delivery of goods and services. For example, prior to this, a guest house or hotel could refuse to provide a room to two man because they were gay. The legislation met with considerable resistance during its passage though parliament and, notably, trans people were not included in the Equalities Act, and so were not protected by this legislation. That said, a lot of trans people are often considered gay or lesbian at some stage in their lives, whether before or after transition.
European Directive 2004/113/EC December 2007 – (December 21st 2007)
One reason for trans people being excluded from the goods and services legislation related to sexual orientation was the prior existence of this European Directive, which required the UK government to extend the Sex Discrimination Act to include gender reassignment.
Sex Discrimination (Amendment of Legislation) Regulations 2008
This amendment provides protection for trans people, making it illegal to discriminate against us in the delivery of goods and services. The amendment was supposed to have been put in place by December 21st 2007 – but due to an objection by Ian Paisley, it was not passed until April 2008. Once again, the church was provided with comprehensive exemptions on the grounds of religious belief.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
aspergers syndrome and trandsgender
I often wondered if having Asperger's made it easier for me to put myself in the shoes of my trans partner.
Here is a webpage where a M2F discusses her realization of having Asperger's as well as being trans.
"I mistakenly thought when I became a woman, all my social problems would vanish. Being a woman makes me feel more powerful, because it allows me to explore Subjective Reality in ways previously impossible, but it does not does not solve all my problems. I am no longer so naive about my new social prowess, and have pulled back while I study how to interact. I simply cannot subliminally recognize and integrate all the cultural cues for social interaction."
http://www.annetteonthenet.com/asperger.html
AND
"The case of a 35-yearold biological woman with Asperger syndrome (AS) and gender identity disorder (GID) fulfilling DSM-IV criteria is reported. Against the background of recently emerging theories of cognitive male pattern underlying autism we present additional psychological assessments in order to discuss any possible interaction or discrimination between AS and GID. Whilst we explain GID as a secondary feature of AS, we examine the assumption of the necessity of treating GID in AS as a primary GID in accordance with international standards. We consider the treatment of GID as compelling, particularly because curative therapy for AS is lacking and with GID treatment in this vein, the patient gains psychosocial improvement."
http://www.springerlink.com/content/k3404632505185gr/
Here is a webpage where a M2F discusses her realization of having Asperger's as well as being trans.
"I mistakenly thought when I became a woman, all my social problems would vanish. Being a woman makes me feel more powerful, because it allows me to explore Subjective Reality in ways previously impossible, but it does not does not solve all my problems. I am no longer so naive about my new social prowess, and have pulled back while I study how to interact. I simply cannot subliminally recognize and integrate all the cultural cues for social interaction."
http://www.annetteonthenet.com/asperger.html
AND
"The case of a 35-yearold biological woman with Asperger syndrome (AS) and gender identity disorder (GID) fulfilling DSM-IV criteria is reported. Against the background of recently emerging theories of cognitive male pattern underlying autism we present additional psychological assessments in order to discuss any possible interaction or discrimination between AS and GID. Whilst we explain GID as a secondary feature of AS, we examine the assumption of the necessity of treating GID in AS as a primary GID in accordance with international standards. We consider the treatment of GID as compelling, particularly because curative therapy for AS is lacking and with GID treatment in this vein, the patient gains psychosocial improvement."
http://www.springerlink.com/content/k3404632505185gr/
Voice Lessons
Her name is Kayle and she is very knowledgeable in the area of changing the voice from a male to a female. If you would like lessons on Skype or Yahoo, please contact her at: the_aquatiger@yahoo.com.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The homophobes
Kris was telling me today that one of his co-workers saw a painting I did of her in female clothing and he showed it to other people. Now, they are making little comments throughout the work day. One said that they will not look at Kris in the same way...another called her a "queen". Kris joked about getting some short-shorts and a girl shirt for pjs (which was true) and someone said they wouldn't doubt if that was true. Kris said, "So what if its true." The reply was to keep that "shit" behind closed doors. My response...keep you goddamned homophobic dumbass comments to yourself!
If this continues, I will encourage Kris to go to HR....she shouldn't have to hear this crap from these stupid jocks all day.
If this continues, I will encourage Kris to go to HR....she shouldn't have to hear this crap from these stupid jocks all day.
yucky
Feelin' kinda yucky right now. I guess I am spoiled bc I thought that I was doing really well at my painting, but this other person won for best painter and first place at the show. They just do nude figures and that's all....no imagination...just techique. I guess that's what people like around here.
I guess when you go a while without being appreciated by your peers for your art it gets to you. I guess its only natural to be envious of others that have things come to them so easily. I'll get over it, but for now I'm wallowing in self pity lol
I guess when you go a while without being appreciated by your peers for your art it gets to you. I guess its only natural to be envious of others that have things come to them so easily. I'll get over it, but for now I'm wallowing in self pity lol
Monday, April 4, 2011
hmmmm...
People don't seem to really like my paintings this year, which makes me doubt myself. I know that you shouldn't let that bother you, but unfortunately, it does.
It is a bit of a blow to my belief that good art includes some imagination.
There's a show here at TU that sort of validate your time here, if you get in, and two of my pieces that are small and I do not care about got in, but everything else was rejected.
I have to get used to rejection, but when I see what else was rejected and what got in, it really makes me question what I am doing with my art.
Its so hard to vent without sounding like a brat or stuck up!!!
I guess that is the way of the world. There's always someone better than you.
OK, thanks for letting me vent!
It is a bit of a blow to my belief that good art includes some imagination.
There's a show here at TU that sort of validate your time here, if you get in, and two of my pieces that are small and I do not care about got in, but everything else was rejected.
I have to get used to rejection, but when I see what else was rejected and what got in, it really makes me question what I am doing with my art.
Its so hard to vent without sounding like a brat or stuck up!!!
I guess that is the way of the world. There's always someone better than you.
OK, thanks for letting me vent!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Contribute
If there is any news in the areas of Transgender or other, please feel free to contact me at meryartist@yahoo.com
I would love to publish news on my blog, just to spread the word.
Thanks everyone!
-Mery
I would love to publish news on my blog, just to spread the word.
Thanks everyone!
-Mery
Being Held Back By My Ratty Ol' Brain
I am teaching myself to not envy what others have. Mostly in their ability to handle change such as moving away, losing friends, changing environments (ie graduating college), starting a new job; all these things terrify me. I need to come to terms with the fact that its just going to be harder for me. I guess I just don't like the thought of others thinking that I am not ambicious or talented enough to move to New York or somewhere of that nature. The thought of moving away from my family, friends and my familiar environment frightens me to the point of numbness. I know that I would eventually get used to it, but I do not want to have to go through it. So, I come up with various reasons to stay where I am: I like the ppl here, there's a small, tight-nit art community I would enjoy contributing to the growth of, Tulsa really isn't a bad place to live...plus it isn't in the cards to move now that I am married. Kris does not want to move, and who says I have to just to be an artist? "I can make it work" is what I tell myself.
My main reason for wanting to move someday though is that I love cold weather (I know I know...weird me). I want to move somewhere that never gets above 65 degrees...I really dislike Oklahoma summers...
Anyway, I probably need to get out and help others, I think that will help me build much-needed self-confidence. To stop worrying about myself and if others perceive me as dumb or stupid because of the way I am.
Anyway, here are some symptoms of Asperger's. For my own benefit, I highlighted parts in yellow that sound exactly like me, parts in blue that somewhat sound like me (in a way), and other parts in red that do not sound like me. If this sound like you, seek a professional. Also, if you would like some advice on how to stop being envious, here is a link: http://briankim.net/blog/2006/10/how-to-stop-being-envious-of-others/
Impaired Language Skills
Impaired language skills is a common symptom of AS in adults. These individuals can have difficulties with verbal reasoning and problem solving. They may only think in concrete and literal terms, and have a hard time thinking abstractly or hypothetically. An adult with Asperger's syndrome often uses language as a way to relay facts, information and statistics, and not as a way to talk about feelings, beliefs or emotions. Adults with AS tend to sound robotic, scripted or monotone when speaking. They often talk abnormally fast, and repeat words and sentences multiple times. Adults with Asperger's syndrome may have trouble controlling the tone or volume of their voices. An example would be an individual who speaks too loudly during a movie, unaware that it is disturbing to other people.
My main reason for wanting to move someday though is that I love cold weather (I know I know...weird me). I want to move somewhere that never gets above 65 degrees...I really dislike Oklahoma summers...
Anyway, I probably need to get out and help others, I think that will help me build much-needed self-confidence. To stop worrying about myself and if others perceive me as dumb or stupid because of the way I am.
Anyway, here are some symptoms of Asperger's. For my own benefit, I highlighted parts in yellow that sound exactly like me, parts in blue that somewhat sound like me (in a way), and other parts in red that do not sound like me. If this sound like you, seek a professional. Also, if you would like some advice on how to stop being envious, here is a link: http://briankim.net/blog/2006/10/how-to-stop-being-envious-of-others/
Impaired Language Skills
Impaired language skills is a common symptom of AS in adults. These individuals can have difficulties with verbal reasoning and problem solving. They may only think in concrete and literal terms, and have a hard time thinking abstractly or hypothetically. An adult with Asperger's syndrome often uses language as a way to relay facts, information and statistics, and not as a way to talk about feelings, beliefs or emotions. Adults with AS tend to sound robotic, scripted or monotone when speaking. They often talk abnormally fast, and repeat words and sentences multiple times. Adults with Asperger's syndrome may have trouble controlling the tone or volume of their voices. An example would be an individual who speaks too loudly during a movie, unaware that it is disturbing to other people.
Inability to Empathize
A common symptom of Asperger's syndrome in adults is the inability to empathize with others, according to the Mayo Clinic. Adults with AS tend to lack sympathy and compassion for other people. They are often unable to interpret facial expressions, gestures, intentions or emotions, which causes them to appear rude, egotistical, selfish and insensitive to others. Adults with Asperger's syndrome may have a hard time looking at things from a different perspective because they do not understand what someone else is thinking or feeling. An example of the inability to empathize would be an individual who tells someone to quit whining about the loss of a family pet.
Resistance to Change
Resistance to change is another symptom of Asperger's syndrome in adults, according to the Asperger's Association of New England. Adults with AS usually prefer routines and schedules. Changes in schedules, routines and/or rituals can cause them anxiety and stress. Familiar objects and settings often provide a feeling of safety for AS sufferers. An example of resistance to change would be an individual who becomes extremely agitated when his manager changes his job responsibilities at work.
Impaired Social Skills
Adults with AS have impaired social skills, according to the Adult Asperger's Association. They can have a hard time making friends and interacting with people in social settings. Adults with Asperger's syndrome may appear awkward, quirky and out of place at social gatherings. They may engage in lengthy conversations unaware that the person to whom they are speaking is trying to change the subject or exit the conversation. These individuals tend to talk at people instead of talking to people. Many times adults with Asperger's syndrome will make inappropriate comments because they are unable to understand voice tone, facial expressions and body gestures. Adults with AS often have a hard time "reading" people and understanding humor. They may not know the right thing to say or the correct way to behave, and may unintentionally upset the people around them. An example of impaired social skills would be an individual who says something insensitive about a co-workers weight in the middle of an office party.
Inability to Control Feelings
Adults with Asperger's syndrome have problems controlling their feelings, according to Joy de Vries, R.N. and webmaster of the website Asperger Advice. They tend to get angry, depressed and overwhelmed easily. Changes in routines, the inability to communicate with people, and feelings of isolation can cause extreme anxiety and low self-esteem in adults with Asperger's syndrome. In addition, certain sights, sounds, tastes, smells and textures can cause intense reactions in these individuals. An example of the inability to control feelings would be an individual who becomes hysterical when he hears dogs barking. Another example is when an individual becomes so angry that his favorite television show was canceled that he throws the television out of the window.
Intense Specialized Interests
According to the Better Health Channel, adults with Asperger's syndrome tend to have very intense time-consuming specialized interests. These individuals usually become experts in one or two areas and excel in their chosen careers because they choose jobs that best fit their interests. They are often referred to as eccentric, which sometimes causes social isolation. An example of an intense specialized interest would be someone who spends long amounts of time studying science and statistics, but has little interest in anything else.
Challenges with Higher Level Thinking
The Asperger's Association of New England states that adults with Asperger's syndrome tend to have challenges with higher level thinking. They have a hard time following a task or activity from the beginning to the completion. Adults with AS often do not know how to successfully organize, initiate, analyze, prioritize and complete tasks. These individuals are unable to think ahead to the possible end result. They focus on details and find it challenging to look at the big picture. An example of challenges with higher level thinking would be an individual who is unable to envision what he will be doing ten years from now.
Problems with Non-Verbal Communication
Adults with Asperger's syndrome may have problems with non-verbal communication, according to the National Institute of Neurobiological Disorders and Stroke. They display awkward body gestures, inappropriate facial expressions and/or an odd stiff gaze. They rarely look people in the eye and do not display any form of joy such as smiling, winking or hugging. An example would be someone who appears lifeless when greeting a relative.
Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/126433-aspergers-symptoms-adults/#ixzz1HOa809QZ
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Gettin' All Riled Up
I read some comments on a video about trans people and it upset me so much. I shouldn't let it do that, because you really can't change ppl's opinion unless it directly effects them, but that's just it: IT DOES NOT DIRECTLY EFFECT THEM!!!!
Why contribute to the hate just so you can continue to be afraid of what you don't understand?
I guess it just baffles me bc in my own little world, the "taboo" subjects in society don't seem to really effect me that much; as long as you're not hurting anyone, then so what?
There is so much miscomunication and misunderstanding in the world, I wonder how we have continued to survive. How have we not all killed each other by now? LOL
Anyway, for those who accept and keep an open mind, I commend you! The world is a better place because people like you are in it. Keep on keepin' on.
Why contribute to the hate just so you can continue to be afraid of what you don't understand?
I guess it just baffles me bc in my own little world, the "taboo" subjects in society don't seem to really effect me that much; as long as you're not hurting anyone, then so what?
There is so much miscomunication and misunderstanding in the world, I wonder how we have continued to survive. How have we not all killed each other by now? LOL
Anyway, for those who accept and keep an open mind, I commend you! The world is a better place because people like you are in it. Keep on keepin' on.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Our Wedding Video
Humor me and give these a watch...they're not very long and if you love Paul or the Beatles, some great music is playing! Enjoy!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
C'mon Get Happy!
We all have particular things we do, watch, eat, whatever that makes us happy. Things we run to when the dark clouds start to loom. Here's some things that make me happy. Never hurts to share my joy :)
Kris.
My puppy Gonzo.
Family.
Painting.
The Beatles.
Paul and Linda McCartney
Kris.
My puppy Gonzo.
Family.
Painting.
The Beatles.
Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Living Arts of Tulsa New Genre Fest
PLEASE come and check this out...its going to be amazing!
http://www.livingarts.org/newgenre2011/ng18.html
http://www.livingarts.org/newgenre2011/ng18.html
My Best Friend
All my life, I dreamed of having a close girlfriend (maybe because I thought it was the normal thing to have). Since I had social problems, I really didn't have a satisfying relationship with a friend. I had my cousin Amy, but she went down a path that I didn't want to follow. I had my friend Amanda, but we weren't really as close was I would have liked.
I wanted someone I could tell anything to without being judged. That "girlfriend" factor. Someone to be buddies with and that you wanna do everything with. I found that in Kris. Kris is the first person I have ever been this close to. She is the person that I was waiting for, my close girlfriend.
It is Kris's nature to tease me because I can be pretty weird or stupid sometimes, but it never really hurts me like the weird looks some of my "friends" used to give me when I had an "aspurger" moment.
I also have a good friend named Emma. I'm actually closer to her than I have been to any other outside of marriage or family.
I think having friends is important, especially to someone like me. For everyone, it validates that you are a worth-while person. I used to get very depressed because I didn't have any friends about five years back. Now, I have many! It really feels great. I hope I keep most of these friendships going to a lifetime. Even if I don't, I will always have Kris, my close buddy, my partner in crime, my best girlfriend.
I wanted someone I could tell anything to without being judged. That "girlfriend" factor. Someone to be buddies with and that you wanna do everything with. I found that in Kris. Kris is the first person I have ever been this close to. She is the person that I was waiting for, my close girlfriend.
It is Kris's nature to tease me because I can be pretty weird or stupid sometimes, but it never really hurts me like the weird looks some of my "friends" used to give me when I had an "aspurger" moment.
I also have a good friend named Emma. I'm actually closer to her than I have been to any other outside of marriage or family.
I think having friends is important, especially to someone like me. For everyone, it validates that you are a worth-while person. I used to get very depressed because I didn't have any friends about five years back. Now, I have many! It really feels great. I hope I keep most of these friendships going to a lifetime. Even if I don't, I will always have Kris, my close buddy, my partner in crime, my best girlfriend.
Monday, February 21, 2011
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